Maybe, it’s because I’m blonde?
It’s actually because there is a broken circuit in my mind somewhere that makes me do some really stupid stuff. I don’t just mean stupid as in putting a fork in the freezer or forgetting that I let the dog out an hour ago. I mean stupid, as in the dictionary definition of it.
a : slow of mind
b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner
c : lacking intelligence or reason
I know, it seems a bit harsh to be admitting to the world that I am, indeed, quite air-headed at times. I am a college graduate, yet can sometimes make worse decisions that a toddler. I know that the color of my hair matters very little in my decision making skills, but damn, can’t I just hang on to that excuse for just a little while longer?
Alright folks, I’ll relieve the suspense. So, what on Earth could I have done to warrant such a self-proclaiming lack of intelligence? Well…let’s begin with small stuff.
- The very first month I started dating my boyfriend, I asked him to help me carry a couple baskets of clothes into the laundry room downstairs. Being the gentleman that he is, he obliged with no complaints. After my laundry tasks were complete, I opened up the bottle of liquid fabric softener (to be clear, I have never used it in my life until this point) and poured some into the cap. I then proceeded to empty the fabric softener into…here’s the kicker…the DRYER. My boyfriend looked appalled. “You realize you put that in the dryer, right?” he asked confusingly. “Yea.” I replied in a quick moment of panic. Although, I was a liquid fabric softener virgin, I tried to come up with a firm, unyielding reply. “I do it all the time.” He laughed, I laughed, but while I laughed I realized that I never read the back of the bottle. How could anyone in their right mind believe that this was the normal way to use this item? Well, I guess that’s the type of thing that happens when you’re me.
Thankfully, my boyfriend stuck around. For at least a good 15 minutes, I sat in the living room, face burning like wildfire, reading the back of the bottle. I was clearly, very, very wrong.
It’s sad to say that the fabric softener incident was just a few drops of water in the stupidity bucket. You might be thinking, “Well, Rhonda, it probably doesn’t get much worse than that!” But, it does. It really does.
- One day I stopped at my local pet store to buy a bag of dog food. After lugging the heavy bag to the register, my stomach started rumbling–my lack of eating throughout the day was getting the best of me. I was starving! As the lady was ringing me out, I noticed a beautiful, delightfully decorated basket at the end of the line. Freshly made Buckeyes! 50 cents a piece! All proceeds went to the local animal shelters. I love Buckeyes! There they were, staring me down with their peanut butter and chocolate elegance, I was a sucker and bought four of them. I was so hungry that I put my bag of dog food in the back of my car and reached in the bag. The Buckeyes were huge, just glaring back at me, daring me to take a bite. Before I even made it to my seat in the car, I took one big bite and chewed…and chewed…and chewed. How odd. It was grainy, kind of tasteless, but it did not register in my mind that it might be a dog treat. For a split second I even thought that maybe this was some strange adaptation of the classic treat. It took at least one more chew before I spit it out. Yes folks, I ate half of a homemade dog treat. Damn you pet store, damn you…
Now, you might be laughing, or you might be grossed out. You might even be sitting behind your computer screen wondering why I would share these embarrassing moments with the world. Well, this year for New Year’s I’ve decided that I need to work on being more myself. I want to stop feeling all of that pressure to hide the parts of my personality that are actually quintessential to my being, whether I like it or not.
Maybe, I do some of theses things because I’m blonde. But, realistically I do these things because at times, I’m stupid. Going back to the definition:
a : slow of mind – I was certainly slow about realizing that the Buckeye was not for human consumption. Remember, I chewed it several times.
b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner – I was in a hurry to do laundry. I didn’t even read the instructions before I dumped it all over my freshly washed clothes. (unintelligible decision or act and careless manner)
c : lacking intelligence or reason – I have no idea why I do this stuff. Just to remind you, these are only 2 of many, many stories. (Lack of reason)
I think that all of us can be stupid from time to time, but I also think that some of us show it more than others 😉