Confessions of a First Time Pregnant Woman





Confessions of a First Time Pregnant (and Big-Boned) Girl:

When you’re pregnant, everyone tells you about their experience with pregnancy.  Some people hardly change  their daily routine, while others  change their entire world. Some women barely gain any weight, while others gain way too much. When I found out I was pregnant, it was a shocker! I was 28, in the middle of college. When I first found out, I lived in a one bedroom apartment and drove a beat up 97 Hyundai Elantra. How was I going to handle this? Will my relationship with Ric survive this? We had been together, but we weren’t even thinking about living together yet.

Needless to say, for the first few months that followed, I was utterly depressed. So much so, that I neglected myself and my body in a way that I didn’t even know existed. I was constantly overeating. By the end of my pregnancy, I had gained 70 lbs. The reason for this post is certainly  not to shame anyone, but it’s  meant to bring awareness to a part of pregnancy that so few people talk about. If you find yourself in  this situation, remember that you are not alone and you will get through it.

The first thing I should’ve done was look at my family history. I come from a line of big-boned women. When the women in my family get pregnant, they really get big. Odds are, I would get big too, and I did.

Confession #1: Eating and Exercising

My life in a nutshell.

My life in a nutshell.

My average weight has always been between 145-165 lbs. Up until I became pregnant, I was pretty ok with this. I was no model, but I enjoyed having curves; I relished in the fact that I could eat ALMOST anything I wanted when I wanted it as long as I walked it off later. Since I loved the outdoors and had an active dog, it was easy to indulge in a few hours of hiking, walking, and climbing a few days a week.  When I found out I was expecting it did not dawn on me that I will not have the energy to do these things anymore. Instead, I continued my gluttonous ways.

Most people tried to make you feel better about eating and gaining weight during these 10 months. It’s so easy for everyone to say that it’s ok to eat whatever you want…after all, you ARE pregnant, you’re eating for two. And, I won’t lie, you do feel so much better after you’ve eaten your second hot fudge sundae from Handel’s, but it’s important to remember that there will be a very dear price to pay. Once you’re pregnant, you’re not supposed to lose weight. So whatever pounds you pack on, stay there until the end. If you must binge eat, you better enjoy whatever it is to the fullest extent because I promise you, you will look at the after effects for many, many months to come.

In the mean time, here are a few uncomfortable truths:

  • Women who are pregnant and can still find time and energy to exercise will unintentionally make you feel bad about yourself. You will secretly hate yourself  more than you ever have before. But, you know what, that’s ok. While their exercising, go get yourself another hot fudge sundae…that will make you feel better…for today.
  • For the first 5 months of my pregnancy I watched my motivation walk right out the door. I would still walk my dog but the trips were always cut short…shorter and shorter each time. I then found myself making the excuse that it’s too cold, it’s too dark, it’s too much…movement? The baby was clearly telling me that she was tired. Sadie would have to wait until tomorrow to go to the park. I then got so lazy that I would just put my dog in the front yard and throw the frisbee to her. The poor girl would then bring it back to me in anticipation of our old, fun game of “run around the yard”, just to find out that I wouldn’t budge. She, too, lost interest and began finding it more fun to chase the squirrels.


Confession #2: The Social Life

As with any life-altering event, you can’t help but worry that all of those people that filled your life with joy and excitement might not stick around during those 10 months of mood swings and fragility. Although it’s a rite-of-passage to handle most of this time alone with your significant other, it still stings a little to feel left out from the fun circle you used to be a part of. The worst of which is entirely your fault, not theirs. It was just so hard to find the energy! Why is it impossible to have the same social life pre-pregnancy versus during? Well…

  • Nothing will go according to plan. You will plan to still have a social life…until you get home from work and realize that every ounce of you just wants to fall over and nap. That’s ok though, because you will just nap for a little while and then you can go visit your friends. Oh…oops, accidently sleeping four hours longer than expected can ruin your whole day. It’s totally fine though, your friends love you enough to understand and you can always go visit tomorrow.
  • It’s no big deal to go to your friend’s going away or graduation party pregnant. So what if everyone else is enjoying their delicious alcoholic beverages, smoking their luxurious cigarettes that you had to give up or dancing their asses off on the dance floor? You can still enjoy good company from the comfort of your table, where you can prop up your swollen feet, eat a second plate of food, and reminisce about how fun it was when you were able to do those things. And I’m not going to lie, at the point of said reminiscing, you will start to panic because honestly, your life is about to change FOREVER. All that fun that you used to have will be gone and replaced with all of the “joys” of parenting. It’s ok if at this time you wonder “How in the hell am I going to get through this?”
  • Your loyal friends will understand and do the best they can to keep you up to speed on the important moments of their life. Just a small piece of advice to anyone who is a friend to a pregnant woman—please share whatever details of your life you want. It’s almost like a soap opera that we get to enjoy from a distance. We might not be able to go to that concert with you, but it’s really fun hearing about the details…believe it or not, that is not sarcasm, it’s the truth.


Confession #3: Confidence, Identity, and Maternity Wear



You will never appreciate your old body as much as you will after your first pregnancy. I was never one of those girls to wear sundresses, skirts, or even shorts for that matter, but being pregnant has changed my perspective.

  • On your way to Handel’s Ice Cream, I mean…the fresh produce market, (yea that’s it) you realize that your clothes are starting to feel really tight. After you eat (those fresh fruits and vegetables of course), you head to the store, only to find that nothing in the store fits you! Nothing will make you more depressed than looking at your large, stretched out body in a full-length mirror while you try on adorable clothes that in no way fit your enlarged legs or gigantic baby bump.
  • When you leave two or three stores in defeat, it’s incredible just how guilt free you feel while stopping at McDonald’s to get that large fry and Frappuccino. After all, it’s too late anyway. You might as well consider wearing a moo-moo.
  • Expecting a baby can be so beautiful when it comes to family. If you’re as lucky as me and my significant other are, then your family will be over the moon with excitement. Pictures will be snapped at every visit, perky conversation about names and baby themes will engulf the room, and everyone will rub your belly like they expect a genie to pop out. It’s all so beautiful until you see yourself plastered all over Facebook and realize that you’re huge! Most times, I had to do a double take to make sure that it was really me. It is at this moment that you realize how much you love your significant other. If you’re with a great guy, he will have managed to make you feel beautiful and sexy even though you have CLEARLY changed. This is both a blessing and a curse as you will now go throughout the rest of the pregnancy knowing that he is just trying to make you feel good. But honestly, sometimes that’s all you need.



Confession #4: The Body

How I loathe you heartburn!

How I loathe you heartburn!


It’s ok to cry when you look in the mirror. I know that sounds so dramatic, but there are only so many times that you can hear the phrase “Oh honey, you’re pregnant,” before you go bat shit crazy.

It started with a few small stretch marks that turned into a lot of stretch marks. At least they were only on my legs…and my belly…and my arms…and my chest…

Next cane the the cellulite, jiggling its way to every curve I once loved.

To top it off, the constant nauseau, gas, and bloating ruines any chance of even wanting to wear make-up or fix my hair.

Besides all of that, there were some serious consequences to gaining so much weight so fast:

  • Gaining so much weight can really put a lot of pressure on your joints. Bending down was excruciating.
  • My feet had been so swollen that when you presses on my “cankle”, the indent stayed there. The doctor checked for serious problems and I was fine, but I was clearly retaining a LOT of water.
  • There is such a thing as Pregnancy Induced Carpal Tunnel—it feels like both of your wrists have been shattered.
  • There were days where I felt so weak that I literally had to have Ric roll me out of bed.


Confession #5: The Relationship  


You will never know the extent of a man’s love until he has had to deal with his pregnant significant other. After working all day, they literally come home to a second full-time job in which there is no way to train for the months to come. If you have a good man, he will recognize that this is tough on you and he will do what he can to walk through this process with you.

  • When I first met my love, I did all that I could to wear sexy, fitting clothes. Now, I wear nightgowns, yoga pants and hoodies, yet he never failed to tell me that I was the most beautiful woman on the planet. Hey, I knew it was bullshit, but knowing what to say at the right time is half the battle.
  • I’ll never forget the day I cried in the department store because I couldn’t find a bra that fit. My ribs were sore, my clothes were too small and I felt so insecure. Ric made me pick out several maternity outfits to try on. When I came out of the dressing room, he was speaking with an older woman who was an employee there…they were talking about maternity bras. My heart melted.
  • Many people will say that pregnancy will make or break a relationship, and I can see why that might be true. I’m thankful that we were strong enough and loved each other enough to get through the rough spots and enjoy the perks. There is nothing sexier than a man who can physically, emotionally, and financially take care of his family.



In the end, nothing else will matter once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. All of the worrying, stress, and pains of the human body fade away when you see their tiny little fingers and toes wiggle. I knew that my nights of careless fun and wreckless abandon were behind me and at first I was scared. But I think that God had a reason for making pregnancy take 40 weeks: It gives the parents enough time to adjust to the life-changing situation that is about to occur. I might not be able to do all the things I used to do, but I have a new purpose, one full of love, life, and happiness. Not only do I have this amazing little being to care for, but I also found out so much about my relationship. It truly is a blessing to know that I have a loving partner, who is also an dedicated father, standing by my side. I know that the friends that have stuck by me will be the ones who attend my daughter’s future birthday parties, they will be a huge part of my wedding day, they will always be there and I will forever be grateful.

Pregnancy is the ultimate test: It’s a test of partnership, patience, confidence, friendship, and relationship. If I can survive those 10 months before birth, the rest will turn out alright. Everyone will have their own opinions and ways of handling it, but it’s up to me to make the best of it, but now it’s time to leave the multiple hot fudge sundaes behind.



Until next time

                     – Rhonda Farabee 

My Psychology of Procrastination

My Psychology of Procrastination

  • My brain tries, with all of its might, to come up with every possible excuse to delay my body from moving.
  • The logical side of me fights; exhausting the remaining parts of my mentality that actually wanted to get up and do something.
  • Once the internal battle begins, the external war ends. Expelling all of that energy between mind and logic is just too much for my physical well-being; I’m so tired. Suddenly, the intensity of the job/project becomes too much for me to handle at the moment, and I feel as though I need a break. Some television should do the trick.
  • Once I’m sucked into the entertainment world, I realize how hard of a worker I really am. This time to relax is needed. After all, I pay the bills; I bring home the bacon; I take the laundry to my mother’s house (oops…I mean the Laundromat?)  I bust my butt all day, so now the universe owes me at least one more hour of free time to watch Dexter.
  • Now that it’s 3 am, I realize that I just watched an entire season of Dexter all in one sitting. I then decide that my best option is to complete the job/project tomorrow morning before I go to school/work.
  • I wake up twenty minutes late and promise to never procrastinate again.



Until tomorrow,

Rhonda Farabee

The Strenuous Heartbeat

I wish someone would have told me

the things I never knew.

The misheard whispers of the hurt,

and the happiness of few.

Somewhere in the mix of things

my drink was surely served.

Forced down my throat which

caused my wheel of life to swerve.

No one ever told me,

that this is where I’d be.

Struggling to understand

this harsh reality.

When does hiding the truth

become more so a lie?

The gun is still pointing,

you’re just a few bullets shy.

I get the hint.

It hurts just the same.

No matter what I say

the bad still remains.

One more bullet,

the same exact gun.

It’s like Russian roulette,

the tragedy has begun.

                                                   – Rhonda Farabee

A Bit of Dark Poetry


Wasting the hour like an ash in the wind.
Blowing through life without a purpose to live.
Some days are crooked and other days are curved.
Some weeks are focused, others are blurred.
Walking on life while the graves waste away.
Retired, undesired boxes of decay.
The hopeless and restless squeeze between the boards
While darkness and mystery pour in by the hoards.
All I can say is “continue to breathe”
Because without darkness, light can’t be retrieved.
Just hang on tight and I’ll survive for us both
With enough love you have no choice but to float.
Things can only go up when your so far down
Even if your panicking six feet underground.
I can hear you digging. I can hear you scream.
But the only place I can save you is within my dream.
Only you can reach the light.
You say a fighter,
I say a knight.
Just remember in most stories
Everything turns out alright.

    – Rhonda Farabee

Diary of a Painted Soul

Yellow Creek Park

By: Rhonda Farabee

Over and under, under and out.
This isn’t the place that I dream about.
Happy people and faces that shine.
No one knows that I hit rewind.
Backwards motion is all I see.
What goes forward confuses me.
Blurred vision, corrupted mind,
dreadful thoughts of ties that bind.
Where are you and where am I?
You’re in the future and I’m behind.
I watch you paint the face of pain
and pain the face that shall remain,
but once again I only find
this twisted logic of my mind.

                                       – Rhonda Farabee 

A Bit of Distasteful Poetry

some people just need

To the Ex Who Lost His Balls Along the Way
By: Rhonda Farabee

     Trust is always an issue. Once again I grab a tissue and wipe the stains of the pain which remind me that I miss you. I cry so hard that my cheeks are scarred, but I always have a friend in Jack Daniels. My heart can’t handle this melting candle that’s always fighting reigniting; always burning out and then relighting. Burning my flesh with every caress of this hateful flame.

Lies cause pain that’s self-inflicted. You kicked me out because your new bitch got evicted. And now you feel conflicted since your girl wasn’t exactly who you predicted.I had four years invested, four years that I protested my love for you. With your disrespect and what now is regret you left me blind from the hindsight of lies to disguise who you really are. Another drunk in a bar with a beer bottle scar. I trace it back to the fact that you lost your balls along the way.

Only a player can play the game. Displacing the blame to hide your shame for the reputation that follows your name. I should have known about your lack of a backbone. Coming home with empty eyes. I realize the true meaning of loves demise. I kept trying to revive it, but it faded too fast. Now it’s just a memory of my past and a reminder that true love never lasts.

The Hopewell Furnace in Yellow Creek Park


The Hopewell Furnace and the Impact on the Mahoning Valley

By: Rhonda Farabee

STRUTHERS – Yellow Creek Park is well known for its charming trails and beautiful wildlife, but it is also the home of Ohio’s first blast furnace; the Hopewell Furnace.

According to the archives at the Mahoning Valley Historical Society, the use of the blast furnace was established in Europe in the 17th century and eventually found it’s way into North America. The very first one was built in 1802 by Daniel and James Heaton. It  was the first blast furnace west of the Allegheny and was utilized until 1812. This furnace marked the beginning of the Iron and Steel industry in the Mahoning Valley

Dr. Donna DeBlasio, a History Professor at YSU, explained, “The Mahoning Valley became the second largest steel producer in the United States. One major improvement made to the furnace was that instead of blowing cold air into it, they used hot.” “This meant that it would burn hotter to melt faster.” She continued.

The Hopewell Furnace, which was built behind Lake Hamilton, needed the lakes power. DeBlasio stated, “They needed a water source and also the run-off.” “This is also used with iron furnaces and steel mills too.” She added. The location of the furnace was part of the efficient strategy needed to operate it. Lake Hamilton was a source for iron which was needed to work the furnace.

Also, Julie Pantelas, who is the park manager at Yellow Creek also commented, “It was important that there was a hillside behind the furnace.” “They could dump the fuel from the top to get the heat hot enough and they had molds that the metal would be put into.” she continued.

So why did the Hopewell Furnace halt production?

Dr. Thomas Leary, who is an Assistant History Professor at YSU, explained that the use of the furnace came to an abrupt end when the resources ran out. “The iron-making only lasted as long as the forest. Once the forest was gone there wasn’t enough resources to keep it going.”

Since the landmark was a stone-stack charcoal furnace, there were three elements needed to operate the furnace: iron ore, carbon based fuel, and flux, all of which were put into the top. Air would then be blown into the bottom of it to produce molted metal. Leary explained that there was also an accidental “blow-out” of the furnace and there is a theory that land ownership was also a big problem that aided in it’s demise.

DeBlasio said, “Europe was the first to experience the lack of resources, but here it was easier to make charcoal to mine the coal and coal was more efficient.”

The Hopewell Furnace impacted the city of Struthers by bringing jobs to the area. Families began moving into the area because the work was good and it was a nice place settle down in. If it wasn’t for the Heaton brothers, Struthers might not be the populated city it is today. “The impact of the Hopewell Furnace was massive. Not just for Struthers, but for all of Ohio.” DeBlasio specified.

However, hard times still fell upon the old furnace. Resources began running scarce and this was a cause for concern. “We kept making it even though we were running out of the natural resources. This had a huge impact on iron production.” DeBlasio stated.

Although the historical landmark has seen better days, there are still some remnants that reside in Yellow Creek. Pantelas says that the site is still among interest to many people even though most of the furnace is now gone. “Every summer, at least once a week, people inquire about the furnace, but there is a problem; thieves.” Pantelas explains, “Someone removed two really large pieces of the furnace that were still intact. They looked so heavy and I can’t even comprehend how they did it let alone why.”

Even though there are few artifacts left, there is still evidence of the existence of the furnace and Yellow Creek is always ready to share the history with anyone who may be curious. Many Struthers residents know of the Hopewell Furnace, but surprisingly not all of them have actually seen it. When the water is at a low level, the streams are easier to cross, providing a clear path for inquiring visitors. With Lake Hamilton just up the hill, it’s a wonderful experience for everyone.

The Hopewell Furnace has been a monument to help educate students about the city’s local history. John R. White, who is now deceased, was involved in the Department of Sociology and Anthropology at YSU. He led three seasons of excavations at the site and his research on the Hopewell Furnace has been a helpful resource to anyone interested.

For more information regarding the Hopewell Furnace, you can contact the Mahoning Valley Historical Society at (330) 743-2589. To visit the furnace, contact Yellow Creek Park at (330) 755-7275.


We All Need A Little Inspiration


We All Need A Little Inspiration
By: Rhonda Farabee

     We all struggle to survive. At some point and time in our lives we all feel alone and afraid while trying to walk along this road called life. Often we are found wandering around aimlessly looking for answers to questions we never ask. Powerless to the universe and the everyday emotions of the complex human soul, we frequently find ourselves contemplating just how much more we can take before we buckle under pressure.

No one will ever have the answers to the internal inquisitions that we seek. The only solution is to answer your own questions. Signs are posted all over the world and yet most of us are so busy running through life that we never stop to see the beauty in the natural phenomenon we live in. Miracles are so profound and many of us are afraid to believe because we worry that something beyond our understanding can be real. Second guessing is part of our nature and breathing in the pain of living is often our first instinctive reaction.

Why is it that we are so quick to believe when something bad is happening yet we are so reluctant to appreciate the goodness that is around for everyone to enjoy? Some people do not find perfection in nature because perfection is often described as something that is unattainable. However, who is to say that perfection can only be seen? To me perfection is something you feel, inhale, taste and marinate in. It’s what snaps us back into the reality of truth and honesty because the universe never lies.

Can we change these adaptations that we created as defense mechanisms? Is it possible to still have hope when all that surrounds us is fear and disappointment? The next time you see something that grabs your attention, really look for the beauty. The hidden message is there. Even in the grime of life there is beauty to be found, we just need to take a closer look. In every swamp there is life. In every bit of trash there is treasure. In darkness there is light.

The hardest part of surviving isn’t continuing to live but in allowing yourself the freedom of knowing you choose to. There is always something more to be found and this divine treasure hunt is meant to help us not hurt us. ALWAYS stop to take in the essence of sunset over water or the smell of a blooming flower. Look at everything you can because one day you may have to rely on what you remember because sight is a gift that not everyone is lucky enough to have forever. Walk the extra mile while you still can because there will be a time when you will no longer be able to. Be sure to say hello to your neighbor because we are all in this world together, we co-exist in every way possible. Last but not least, do something good. Help make this living experience great for someone who is dragged down this road instead of given the choice to walk it because someday you may find yourself in the same situation. Give to others because you can not because you must and always smile because happiness is contagious and we could all use a little inspiration. If you feel alone today, don’t because I have enough love to share and acknowledge that someone out there loves you! It’s unconditional and free. Pass it on my friends.


The slivers of light burn my eyes.

I despise the cycle of the sunrise on days like this.

Another buzz from my old friend snooze

who is definitely the worst enemy

of my fun friend booze.

When torn between the two,

I choose to lose just 10 more minutes.

Once awake my mind is already racing

and pacing between the hardships that I’m facing.

Skip breakfast,

speed to class.

Cuss out the dumb-ass

who parked like a jackass

and complain about the rain

and it’s ill predicted forecast.

Then the bank called to announce,

that my work check bounced,

which made my rent check bounce

which means that the amount in my account

is marked insufficient.

Call it a “broke girl’s intuition”

But I’m destined

for a mac n cheese expedition.

Leave campus, arrive at work.

The next 6 hours I’m simply a desk clerk.

Filing papers, making calls,

staring blankly at tired walls.

Finally home, the day is done.

Just in time for the setting sun.

The slivers of light burn my eyes

and I despise the ways of the sunrise on days like this…


By: Rhonda Farabee