First Time Parenting…I’m Never Going to Sleep Again

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Being a first time expectant mother, I think that I have worried about everything under the sun. Sometimes, I lie awake at night wondering if I have the medical expertise to be a nurse to an infant, although I have never taken a medical class in my life. Will I be able to effectively address a boo-boo considering that two years ago I accidently cut my own hand with a knife and needed my mommy to bandage it up for me? How am I going to comfort her when she is getting a shot when I used to be terrified of them as a child?

When I’m not stressing out about finding the perfect detergent that won’t irritate her fragile skin, or finding the best bottle so she won’t have to deal with uncomfortable gas issues, I’m constantly dwelling on her safety. How do I tell her not to climb rocky hills or trees when I loved those things so much when I was a child? Those types of childhood adventures have truly paved the way to the woman I am today.  When I was a kid, I use to go outside to play and by doing so, I found a life-long love of nature that I want to share with my daughter. But how do I do that when such dark, ugly stories of kidnapped children and school shootings seem to plague this world? I wonder how I am supposed to shape and mold this beautiful little human to be resilient yet hopeful.  I want to keep her so safe that nothing can ever harm her, but I also know that sheltering her will hurt her more than help her. How do I teach her to be strong and independent, but still make sure she knows that her father and I will know what’s best?

I think about how I’m going to have the “the talk” with her about the birds and the bees when she is a teenager. How do I make her understand that respecting herself will get her so much further in life than allowing others to take advantage of her because she wants attention? How do I teach her to be kind to others even when others are not so kind to her? How do I tell her that there is a difference between unconditional love and infatuation? I need her to know that her family will always be there for her, even when the boy she likes in school breaks her heart. I want her to know that people’s feelings are important and not something to play with, but I also want her to know that sometimes people will hurt her feelings and it is ok to feel sad about it as long as she remains strong afterwards. There are so many lessons that I will need to teach her, some of them I still haven’t learned myself. These are the things that keep me up at night.

But, at the end of the evening, when my eyes begin to close, a moment of peace overwhelms me. I can’t use any of these worries to foreshadow my parenting. Every mother and father wonder about how they will do when it comes to raising a child. Some succeed and some don’t, some do their best and get the worst and some do their worst and still end up with the best. All I can say it that I will give it my all. At the end of the day, as long as she has two parents who love her so much that they would give their life for her; they would sacrifice themselves for her; they will always protect her, then everything will turn out alright. Her father and I will be lucky, because in many ways we will be raising a child, but in so many more ways, she will be raising us.

Rhonda M. Farabee

Until Next Time!

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My Psychology of Procrastination

My Psychology of Procrastination

  • My brain tries, with all of its might, to come up with every possible excuse to delay my body from moving.
  • The logical side of me fights; exhausting the remaining parts of my mentality that actually wanted to get up and do something.
  • Once the internal battle begins, the external war ends. Expelling all of that energy between mind and logic is just too much for my physical well-being; I’m so tired. Suddenly, the intensity of the job/project becomes too much for me to handle at the moment, and I feel as though I need a break. Some television should do the trick.
  • Once I’m sucked into the entertainment world, I realize how hard of a worker I really am. This time to relax is needed. After all, I pay the bills; I bring home the bacon; I take the laundry to my mother’s house (oops…I mean the Laundromat?)  I bust my butt all day, so now the universe owes me at least one more hour of free time to watch Dexter.
  • Now that it’s 3 am, I realize that I just watched an entire season of Dexter all in one sitting. I then decide that my best option is to complete the job/project tomorrow morning before I go to school/work.
  • I wake up twenty minutes late and promise to never procrastinate again.

 

 

Until tomorrow,

Rhonda Farabee

The Strenuous Heartbeat

I wish someone would have told me

the things I never knew.

The misheard whispers of the hurt,

and the happiness of few.

Somewhere in the mix of things

my drink was surely served.

Forced down my throat which

caused my wheel of life to swerve.

No one ever told me,

that this is where I’d be.

Struggling to understand

this harsh reality.

When does hiding the truth

become more so a lie?

The gun is still pointing,

you’re just a few bullets shy.

I get the hint.

It hurts just the same.

No matter what I say

the bad still remains.

One more bullet,

the same exact gun.

It’s like Russian roulette,

the tragedy has begun.

                                                   – Rhonda Farabee

Past and Present Reflection

I often feel sad

When I think about the past.

And all the friendships

I lost along the way.

The years flew by

Like seconds in time

And yesterday is now today.

Walking this road

Thats always unknown

Where did everyone go?

Some stayed the same

While others have changed

And some I still don’t know

It’s scary to feel

That all of this is real

And those memories

Are beginning to fade.

Those people I cherished

Have all seem to perish

But I guess thats the trade I made.

Highschool for college,

Gaining new knowledge

Of how to let go of the past

Looking backwards

To the contributing factors

I realize it happened too fast

— Rhonda Farabee

 

Questionable Integrity

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Every so I often,
I find that I lose
Something I have loved
and often abused
Life from the past,
Nebulous Blooms

Mixed intentions
that dig deep within.
Yearnings so discerning
but I cant give in.

If I could just speak
louder than words
Then maybe my feelings
won’t seem so absurd.

Can anyone tell me
that I have a meaning,
A reason for
this creation I’m being?

                                                   — Rhonda Farabee

Designated Resonance

Constantly fighting

To extinguish this fire igniting.

My anger is restraining

All of these thoughts pertaining,

To this.

Take a left or make a right?

 Stay in the dark or head for the light?

The channel is turning

The flame is burning.

For this.

Circles follow me everywhere I go.

In my mind, in my head, in everything I know.

Confusion has struck

I ran out of luck.

In this.

                                                           – Rhonda Farabee

A Bit of Dark Poetry

 

Wasting the hour like an ash in the wind.
Blowing through life without a purpose to live.
Some days are crooked and other days are curved.
Some weeks are focused, others are blurred.
Walking on life while the graves waste away.
Retired, undesired boxes of decay.
The hopeless and restless squeeze between the boards
While darkness and mystery pour in by the hoards.
All I can say is “continue to breathe”
Because without darkness, light can’t be retrieved.
Just hang on tight and I’ll survive for us both
With enough love you have no choice but to float.
Things can only go up when your so far down
Even if your panicking six feet underground.
I can hear you digging. I can hear you scream.
But the only place I can save you is within my dream.
Only you can reach the light.
You say a fighter,
I say a knight.
Just remember in most stories
Everything turns out alright.

    – Rhonda Farabee